So I didn’t end up doing the music video last weekend. It turns out the ‘meet and greet’ with the producer/director was more of a ‘how slutty are you willing to go?’ session. It reminded me of all the things I hate about this industry. How it’s just a vehicle for a lot of people to try to exploit others in the name of money, fame, or their own perverse satisfaction. I didn’t get into this to shake my ass for some band I’ve never heard of. I got into this for the art.
I absolutely love the feeling of knowing I’ve done an amazing scene. I thrive on the thrill of actually connecting with another person, whether in real life or through acting. The sense of accomplishment that comes when I sit back and think, ‘That was the best I could have done and I nailed it.’
But I think the real ‘hook’ of acting is that the reverse is also true. When I can’t seem to breakthrough or feel I have let my acting partner (and the playwright and myself) down, I feel absolutely horrible, downtrodden and disgusted. But my real point, and the point of this post, is that when I feel terrible because of acting I feel even more determined to dig my heels in, work harder, and get there.
But when I feel horrible because of the industry there is a sadness in my soul that has more to do with others than myself. Why do these people feel the need to act-out in this way? To behave as if they never left highschool, as if they have something to prove to everyone else.
I’m not in it for fame. I’m not in it for outside recognition (although that would be nice because I’d probably get more acting work). I’m in this for the art of it. For the love of it. For the truth that can be brought to stage, to screen, through words, emotions and honesty. The way someone can feel less alone because they feel connected through the art of expression.
So step aside Hollywood because I’m busy doing my own thing and once I’m ready I’m gonna explode onto the scene and create my own way. Onward and upward.